


who do we think we are?

by kingthelarreh



Category: MAX (Musician)
Genre: Cheating, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Toxic Relationship, mentioned laura/max, there's one homophobic slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:43:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11849922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingthelarreh/pseuds/kingthelarreh
Summary: He needs Nick as much as he hates him, and it's eating him alive.





	who do we think we are?

**Author's Note:**

> This is all fiction and it's based off a headcanon I got out of nowhere after listening to their version of Who Do We Think We Are for the millionth time. Set up somewhere around 2013-2014.
> 
> English is not my first language so please be gentle with your corrections!

It happens every while and then. Max doesn't know _how,_ but somehow he always ends up with Nick on top of him, claiming his mouth with a certain angriness he knows nothing about, then sliding his lips on his neck as if he's trying to apologize by being softer, so soft that Max almost gets uncomfortable and can't stop twitching underneath him, because Nick isn't meant to be soft. He can't, not when he's doing this.

Him being soft means this _means_ something, that the kisses and the hands touching everywhere and the muffled pants on each other's mouths or necks are more of _a friend helping another friend out,_ and Max needs to draw that line. Whenever they're not doing that - which is most of the time - they are working together, coming with new ideas for songs and arrangements and organizing the tour, and Max has to be able to look Nick in the eye when he talks about getting another harmony on the song or choosing where to put the microphones on stage. And to do that he needs to know their limits. That the teasing Nick that jokes around while they're on public is entirely different to the teasing Nick that looks at him through his lashes before going down on him.

They don't talk about it, of course. They never mention the fact that Max has a girlfriend and Nick is getting there with someone, and it helps. It helps to make Max feel like the things that happen between both of them are part of some sort of twisted fantasy, a parallel universe in which he actually knows what he wants, or who he is. And God, he's a terrible person, isn't he?

Sometimes they do it when people it's way too close, and they have to stop immediately after they hear a knock on the door and Max sits down and listens to the stranger in the door, trying to ignore the way his lips are still tingling and the hard-on pressing the front of his pants, Nick on the other side of the room just as red as him, and he wonders if the other person can tell it, the fact that his breathing is way too quick or his entire face is flushed or he's covering his lap with his hands in a very suspicious way. And it's such a scary thought, but people never seem to notice, and if they do they don't talk about it.

Max doesn't know how to feel about that. Getting exposed means he's gonna lose Laura, and most of his friends will hate him, and he'll end up looking like a coward and a fag. But keeping the secret isn't a better option. It is eating him alive, slowly and steadily.

The worst thing is that Nick doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He looks so put together everytime, taking the lead when they are alone, smiling shamelessly when they almost get caught. Max isn't sure if he's faking it - such a good actor, such a good _everything_ \- but he wishes he was that confident on his sexuality, on his actions, on his selfishness.

He lets Nick get away with it. He kisses back and returns the hand jobs and moans a little, because it makes him feel good, even if it's just for some minutes, and he _wants_ it too. When he's with him, everything makes sense, and Max thinks about dumping Laura, running away with Nick so people could never find them, so he can finally touch him without feeling guilty. But all the fantasies vanish when they stop, when Nick wipes his mouth as if nothing happened and throws a lame joke that never fails to make Max smile, as much as he hates it, hates _him._

He's not even sure about his feelings for Nick. He's not in love, he's sure about that, because what they have is way too toxic to call it love. But he loves Nick, as a friend, as a mate. Loves that he's such a talented guy, and he has big dreams just as him and makes him view things from a different point. The confusing part is the hungry _need_ that he feels for him, something that started as too much accumulated sexual frustration and slowly became a possessive behavior. He wants Nick all for himself, to run his hands on his torso when girls are checking him out, suck on the apple of his neck when they are walking on the street, cross the stage so he can kiss that stupid grin on his face in front of thousands of people.

It doesn't have a purpose. He just needs to _mark_ him, show everyone Nick is his, only his, even if he clearly isn't.

He tries to be rough with him, but he can't. It's funny that all his thoughts about him when they're not on bed are so intense and violent, but everything seems so different when he's actually with him. He thinks of sucking marks on his skin and pulling his hair and grabbing him too hard, but then Nick kisses him and all those thoughts disappear, and he finds himself whimpering quietly, caressing his arms with his hands, running the tips of his fingers sweetly on Nick's jaw. It's always like that, and he hates himself for it; whishes he was more brave and could be on top of the situation for once, or make it stop entirely. Face him, talk about it, ask him why is he even doing this, what are his intentions. It's not like Nick is stuck with him, like he can't get anyone else to play this game. The fact that he chose Max - and still does, and it's been four fucking months - makes him wonder if Nick cares about their friendship at all. It's like he thinks the kissing and inappropriate touching come in the pack, that he can treat Max like he's his… boyfriend, and still treat him like a friend, calling him “dude” or “man” as if he wasn't whispering _sweetheart_ s to his mouth an hour ago.

And Max asks himself what are his own limits, too. How much time he can keep all of this before exploding? Before confessing everything to Laura, to anyone else? Before the secrets start to be _too much_ and he will lose himself? He's not sure if the minutes that he spends with Nick can cover it all, if they're enough to keep him whole, to keep him from breaking. He's already doing so bad, thinking about his sexuality like crazy, wondering if the fans can sense it from the way he looks at Nick, perceiving himself as the selfish piece of shit that can't decide for himself and it's hurting everyone on the way.

But he needs Nick as much as he hates him, and it's eating him alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are very welcome :)


End file.
